Why I love working with high schoolers soo much ~ like no, seriously, I love them... Am I crazy?!

I never thought I would like working with children at first. I was told once that I didn’t have the “work with kids” patience that was required.

But many years before that, I was told countless times that I’d be great with kids—that people could see me working with children no matter what career I ended up in. Funny how that goes, right?

Now, as I work with high schoolers, I remind myself constantly: they are just kids. Not mini adults. Literally children. Legally, developmentally, emotionally...they are still figuring it out like we all were (and honestly still are ~ I always think of the saying 'It's your mom's first time living too).

Even as I write this I am like duh, yeah, a high schooler is a child. Or maybe you are thinking in a more technical route seeing them as adolecents not children. Regardless then explain to me why half the work I do with teens happens in the first 10 minutes of a session - when mom, dad, or guardian comes in saying things like:

“Why isn’t therapy working?”

“They have nothing to be anxious about—they’re just a kid.

“Just give them a couple coping skills and they’ll be good.”

We think mental health stigma has decreased in homes especially ones where parents say, “I care about my child’s emotions. I’m bringing them to therapy. That’s more than my parents ever did for me. And I turned out okay once I learned the coping skills.”

But here’s the thing: your emotions - and all the unprocessed, inherited stuff - got passed down to your kid. Genetically. Emotionally. Spiritually. Whatever word you wanna use.

And this is not new news... like, we know this. We’ve seen it play out over generations, since the dawn of time. When you sat in your bedroom feeling like no one understood you.. that's the universal moment that tells me we know this feeling. We’ve lived it. We’ve felt it.

And yet, somehow, we forget it when it’s our turn to parent or guide a teenager.

It’s like that whole “grass is greener” concept. A parent might look at their child and expect some kind of worship: “Look at me, I’m doing such a great job raising you!”

And honestly, yeah, you are doing a great job. Let me say that a little louder for those in the back.

YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB! (i love you)

But if you are expecting your child to validate you for being the adult? That’s where the wires start crossing. Like when a parent says “I’ve sacrificed everything for you,” or “You should be grateful, I gave you life,”...but it wasn’t the child’s choice to be born. That was your choice. So no, they don’t owe you gratitude just for existing. Love and appreciation come from connection, not guilt.

This is where the work begins - with you, the adult. And then we try to undo generations of trauma... in, what, the last 50 minutes of a session? Empathy and care go into understanding your parent and releasing them from judgment.

It’s a beautiful, magical, exhausting thing. But we have to uplift children. We have to treat them with the same respect all humans deserve.

Coping skills are a great intro therapy tool. The real work is underneath. And that’s why therapy can last for yearssssss. It’s also why the relationship with the therapist is sooooooo important!!

lol uno flip being a major indicator that I work with teens

I am teaching a child - a child - how to forgive an adult. And I’m teaching an adult how to take accountability. Do you know how wild that is?

This is also why the birth rate is dropping dramatically. Because your children? They are surpassing your emotional growth in half the time. And that is something to celebrate and encourage.

Not something to fear. We were all teenagers once. Most of us didn’t get the grace we needed then. Let’s do better - for them, and for our past selves, too.

P.S. Every child has a hard time talking to their parent when they’re a teenager! It doesn’t matter if you’re the cool parent - their hormones are wayyy out of whack and they literally can’t regulate their emotions. They don’t want to talk to you!! They are hyper-critical of not only you, but themselves too.

P.P.S. therapy connectionnnnn tinglingggggg ~ this is my inner teenager needing attention!!!! Yes, even therapists get the “eureka” moment 💥✨